SA Firefighter

Not a bad video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VrwFgPqRZw0

A Kiwi buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.

After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help. The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination. The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant. The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant.

The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself. So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again. He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.

Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round. "Try again." he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon returning home, falls knackered into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window. He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.

"No," she says, "they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn."

 

An elderly man in Queensland had owned a large property for several years. He had a dam in one of the lower paddocks where he had planted mango and avocado trees. The dam had been fixed up for swimming when it was built and he also had some picnic tables placed there in the shade of the fruit trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the dam to look it over, as he hadn't been there for a while. He grabbed a ten litre bucket to bring back some fruit. As he neared the dam, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his dam. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked or make you get out of the dam naked." Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the crocodile."

Moral: Old men may walk slow, but they can still think fast.
_________________
The police are not here to create disorder, they're here to preserve disorder

Apparently, this is an actual letter of resignation from an employee at "Zantex Computers", Australia, to his boss, J Pilgrim. His boss, known as Pilly, apparently resigned very soon afterwards!


Dear Mr Pilgrim

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and myself during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options.

You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation; however I have a few parting thoughts.

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal to give me a bad recommendation. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favourites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favourably by the administration.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your mothers birthday", you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror nude. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (Try to use a spell check please. I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator.
Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!

Sincerely
Adrian Barragan

Pic of the new batch of 34P's

Mum and Dad decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon
quickie with their 8 year old son in the apartment was to send him out
on the balcony with an iceblock and tell him to report on all the
neighbourhood activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation:
"There's a car being towed from the parking lot" he shouted.

A few moments passed. "An ambulance just drove by"

A few moments later, "Looks like the Anderson's have company" he called out.

"Matt's riding a new bike....."

"The Coopers are having se__x!!"

Startled, Mother and Dad shot up in bed!!!

Dad cautiously asked, "How do you know they are having se__x??"

"Jimmy Cooper is standing out on his balcony with an iceblock too."
 

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a
double-decker bus for a weekend gambling trip to Louisiana.

The Brunette team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the Blonde team rode on the top level.

The Brunette team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate.

When the Brunette reached the top, she found all the Blondes in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles.

The brunette asked, "What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!" One of the Blondes looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered...

YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!

Monopoly (the company) is releasing an Australian edition of the board game later on this year.
In order to gain free publicity, the creators of the game have organised their website, www.monopoly.com.au , where the public can vote for their favourite Australian destinations to feature in the new edition of the board game.
The state with the most number of votes earns it's destination at the Mayfair (i.e., classy) end of the board, while the state with the least amount of votes is awarded the Old Kent Road (or crap) end.
So vote as many times as possible to ensure that SA destinations appear in the better slots.
Voting is open until February 10: You can only vote once a day, so remember to log on each day to cast your vote - set your calendar reminders, write it in your diary and send this email onto your friends.
The South Australian destinations nominated are:
* Adelaide
* The Flinders Rangers
* The Barossa
* Murraylands
* Kangaroo Island

Come on guys lets get a SA name on the board

At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the
books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned to the
Rabbi and said: "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the
candle drippings?" "Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question
had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way: "What about
all these biscuit purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?" "Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realizing that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them and send them back to the
manufacturers, and every now and then they send a free box of holy
biscuits."

"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster
the know-it-all Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all
the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?"

"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up
all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and about once a year they send us a complete d i ck ".

Pics

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Westpac SLSA Chopper

Ararat Rescue F350