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Messages - ltbawds

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1
The Humour Zone / Think before you speak
« on: February 17, 2007, 01:30:19 PM »
        Think before you speak...
   Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
   the last one is great!
   Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
   immediately take the words back...
   or that you could crawl into a hole?
   Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....
     FIRST TESTIMONY:
   I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow
   and asked loudly,
   "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
   I turned around and walked back out and never went back
   My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.
      SECOND TESTIMONY:
   I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.
   I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
   After browsing for several minutes,
   I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at
   the store.He asked if he could help me.
   Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing
   with mens balls"
     THIRD TESTIMONY:
   My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
   variety of candy and nuts.
   As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if   we needed any help.
   I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
   My sister started to laugh hysterically.
   The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
   To this day,my sister has never let me forget.
      FOURTH TESTIMONY:
   While in line at the bank one afternoon,
   my toddler decided to release
   some pent-up energy and ran amok.
   I was finally able to grab hold of
   her after receiving looks of disgust
   and annoyance from other patrons.
   I told her that if she did not start behaving
   "right now" she would be punished.
   To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just ! as
   threatening,"If you don't let me go right now,
   I will tell Grandma that I saw you
   kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
   The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.
   Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
   I mustered up the last of my dignity and
   walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
   The last thing I heard when the door closed behind me, were screams
   of laughter.
      FIFTH TESTIMONY:
   Have you ever ! asked your child a question too many times?
   My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I
   was on him constantly.
   One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands
   It was very busy, with a full dining room.
   While enjoying my taco,I smelled something funny,
   so of course I checked
   my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
   The realized that Danny
   had not asked to go potty in a while.
   I asked him if he needed to go,
   and he said "No".
   I kept thinking
   "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any
   clothes with me."
   Then I said,
   "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"
   "No," he replied.
   I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was
   getting worse.
   Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident ?
   This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
   bent over, spread his cheeks and yelled
   "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
   While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
   he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
   An old couple made me feel better,thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever  had!
     LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
   This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
   and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
   in the future, likely think before she speaks.
   What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
   We had a female news anchor that,
   the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't,
   turned to the weatherman and asked:
   "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
   Not only did HE have to leave the set,
   but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

2
The Humour Zone / Wigan West
« on: February 11, 2007, 04:11:51 PM »
>> >>>>>                                  "Hello?"
>>
>> >>>>>>                                 "Hi honey.   This is Daddy.
>>
>> >>>>>>                         Is Mommy near the phone?"
>>
>>
>> >>>>>>                                 "No Daddy.
>>
>> >>>>>>                       She's upstairs in the bedroom
>>
>> >>>>>>                             with Uncle Paul."
>>
>> >>>>>>                            After a brief pause,
>>
>>
>> >>>>>>                                Daddy says,
>> >>>>>>                 "But honey, you haven't got an Uncle Paul."
>>
>> >>>>>>                               "Oh yes I do,
>>
>> >>>>>>                       and he's upstairs in the room
>>
>> >>>>>>                          with Mommy, right now."
>>
>> >>>>>>                                Brief Pause.
>>
>> >>>>>>                              "Uh, okay then,
>>
>> >>>>>>                       this is what I want you to do.
>>
>> >>>>>>                      Put the phone down on the table,
>>
>> >>>>>>                 run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door
>>
>> >>>>>>                    and shout to Mommy that Daddy's car
>>
>> >>>>>>                      just pulled into the driveway."
>>
>>
>> >>>>>>                        "Okay Daddy, just a minute."
>>
>> >>>>>>     A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
>>
>> >>>>>>                             "I did it Daddy."
>>
>> >>>>>>                    "And what happened honey?" he asked.
>>
>> >>>>>>               "Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed
>>
>> >>>>>>                with no clothes on and ran around screaming.
>>
>> >>>>>>     Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser
>>
>> >>>>>>                     and now she isn't moving at all!"
>>
>> >>>>>>                "Oh my God!!!  What about your Uncle Paul?"
>>
>> >>>>>>             "He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too.
>>
>> >>>>>>      He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window
>>
>> >>>>>>       and into the swimming pool. But I guess he didn't know
>>
>> >>>>>>           that you took out the water last week to clean it.
>>
>> >>>>>>       He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he's dead."
>>
>>
>> >>>>>>                              ***Long Pause***
>>
>>
>> >>>>>>                             ***Longer Pause***
>>
>>
>> >>>>>>                          ***Even Longer Pause***
>>
>>
>> >>>>>>                              Then Daddy says,
>>
>>
>> >>>>>>                            "Swimming pool? . .
>>
>>
>> >>>>>>                                  Is this
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> >>>>>>                                 486-5731?"
>
>
>

3
SA Firefighter General / Re: Ammusing pager message.
« on: February 11, 2007, 03:56:39 PM »
1925576 03:34:16 11-02-07 BP171 HI...FYI THE DRIVER IS THE OFF DUTY SAPOL OFFICER...ALSO ? INTOXICATED...

1925576 03:35:27 11-02-07 BP171 SORRY...AFTER ANOTHER CALL FROM SAPOL....OFFICER IS NOT THE DRIVER

Hmm someone had a big night :-o :-o

4
SA Firefighter General / Re: Ammusing pager message.
« on: January 16, 2007, 03:10:48 PM »
1928926 15:17:37 16-01-07 1of2:Hello Lee, I won't be able to come tonight, I spoke to mum and it's pub night tonight with Nanna because she has bowls tomorrow night instead of tonight

Gee isn't that nice taking nanna to the pub

5
SA Firefighter General / Re: A New Look for SA Fire Fighter.....
« on: January 16, 2007, 03:07:09 PM »
Great job, A really professional looking update. 10/10 8-) 8-)
But how about removing the media release on the horrocks pass fire at the top of the home page.

6
SA Firefighter General / Re: Arsonists
« on: January 14, 2007, 12:16:53 PM »
I Think the media is also playing a part in this saga. A friend of mine just saw the media driving around trying to see if he will strike again. Maybe if it didn't get so much publicity this prick might not be so active. After all don't arsonists get off seeing there handy work?.

As for giving "IT" the needle, "screw it let him burn".

(Sorry I just can't stand arsonists)

7
Compartment Fire Behaviour / Re: Using 25mm Sidereels at Structure Fires
« on: January 01, 2007, 07:57:55 AM »
We had a try with them at an old house that we were able to burn down(damn shame really as it was a nice old wooden place), But found that there just not enough flow through them to be able to use. The smaller diameter means there is too much lag after you open the bail. After this  we decided to only use the 38mm attack lines. At least you don't have a long lag time when you hit the bail.

8
All Equipment discussion / Re: Ordering of PBI Gold
« on: July 14, 2006, 12:01:58 PM »
Well here we are in July and still no PBI in my group. Despite ordering it in may. I am starting to wonder if we will ever get it!!!

9
SA Firefighter General / Re: Only in America
« on: March 05, 2006, 03:00:07 PM »
:-D :-D :-D :-DJUST IN 250 PORTABLE TOILETS SET ON FIRE IN WICHITA.

Boy wouldn't that just give you the shits.

10
SA Firefighter General / Re: Rural fire brigades are better...
« on: January 28, 2006, 08:51:10 AM »
Dont forget the sign on the side of the truck saying

"WE FIGHT FIRES FOR BEER"

11
SA Firefighter General / Re: Urban Fire Brigades Are Better...
« on: January 18, 2006, 04:28:34 PM »
Im from a rural brigade that dosent get a lot of calls. But we still train weekly, allways turnout with a full crew and go about our job in a professional manner. But we do this out of a shed that is too small for our appliance, and has NO TOILETS, OFFICE or any other perks. We clean our BA in plastic buckets on the floor of the shed because there is no room for a sink.

Why can't we get some decent facilities. We look after the "recycled" appliance we were given as if it were new. Our station despite being too small has won nemerous awards in our town for presentation. So why just because we are a "RURAL" brigade should we be ignored so that you "URBAN" gurus get eveything.
By the way when we do get called out, The jobs are always big nasty one's that take up a lot of time. mainly due to the large area we have to cover and the lack of close support.
I'm sorry but this just pisses me off :x :x :x:x

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