SA Firefighter

Their is a new series on Channel 9 which screened last night and is based on the NSWRFS crews.

OK guys it is already available on DVD and follow the links from this to find it and get a copy http://www.firelight.com.au/in-the-line-of-fire.html

Can also be seen on YouTube..This is a trailer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8-s3RNOuaYU

I have my order in already

We always hear "the rules” from the female side.

Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1"
ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down.
You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides.
Let it be.

1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1. Crying is blackmail

1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!

1 Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor.

1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

1. You can either ask us to do something
Or tell us how you want it done.
Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials..

1. Captain Cook did NOT need directions and neither do we.

1. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings.
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.

1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as SEX, CARS, the shotgun formation, or BASKETBALL.

1. You have enough clothes.

1. You have too many shoes.

1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

1. Thank you for reading this.
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;

But did you know we really don't mind that? It's like camping.

 

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on vacation.

They were determined to make this a real vacation
by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy.
As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store
and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning they went to the beach
dressed in their 'tourist' garb.
They were sitting on beach chairs,
enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a
'drop dead gorgeous' blonde in a topless bikini
came walking straight towards them.
They couldn't help but stare.

As the blonde passed them she smiled and said
'Good Morning, Father ~ Good Morning, Father,'
nodding and addressing each of them individually,
then she passed on by.
They were both stunned.
How in the world did she know they were priests?
So the next day, they went back to the store
and bought even more outrageous outfits.

These were so loud you could hear them before you even saw them!
Once again, in their new attire, they settled down in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine.
After a little while, the same gorgeous blonde,
wearing a different colored topless bikini, taking her sweet time,
came walking toward them.
Again she nodded at each of them, said
'Good morning, Father ~ Good morning, Father,'
and started to walk away.
One of the priests couldn't stand it any longer and said,
'Just a minute, young lady.' 'Yes, Father?'
'We are priests and proud of it, but I have to know,
how in the world do you know we are priests, dressed as we are?' She replied,

'Father, it's me, Sister Kathleen.'

A man was in a long queue at his local Woolworths. As he got to the
till he realised he had forgotten to get condoms, so he asked the checkout girl
if she could have some brought up to the till. She asked, "What size
Condoms?"


The customer replied that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his
trousers. He did. She reached over the counter, grabbed hold of him
and called over the Intercom, "One box of large condoms, Till 5."

The next man in the queue thought this was interesting, and like most of
us, was up for a cheap thrill. When he got up to the register, he told the
cashier that he too had forgotten to get condoms, and asked if she could
have some brought to the till for him. She asked him what size, and he
stated that he didn't know. She asked him to drop his trousers. He did.
She gave him a quick feel, picked up the intercom and said, "One box of
Medium-sized condoms, Till 5"

A few customers back was a teenage boy. He thought what he had seen was
way too cool. He had never had any type of sexual contact with a real live
female, so he thought this was his chance. When he got to the till he
told Rosie he needed some condoms. She asked him what size and he said
he didn't know. She asked him to drop his trousers and he did. She reached
Over the counter, gave him a quick squeeze then picked up the intercom
and said...









"Mop and bucket to Till 5"

 

BBQ RULES
We are about to enter the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity
When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine...
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the BBQ - beer in hand.
(4) The woman remains outside the compulsory three metre exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.

Here comes the important part:
(5) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine...
(6) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(7) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat .

Important again:
(8.) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine...
(9) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, serviettes, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(10) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(11) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(12) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed "her night off." And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there's just no pleasing some women...


 

Refilling at tree fire

A German guy approaches a lady of the night.

"I vish to buy sex viz you."

"OK," says the girl, "I'll charge 20 an hour."

"..ist goot, but I must varn you, I am a leettle kinky."

"No problem," she replies cautiously, "I can do little kinky."

So off they go to the girl's flat, where the German produces four large bedsprings and a duck caller. vant zat you tie ze springs to each of your hans und knees."

The girl finds this most odd, but complies, fastening the springs as he had said, to her hands and knees.

"Now you vill get on your hans und knees."

She duly does this, balancing precariously on the springs.

"You vill please to blow zis kwacker as I make love to you."

She finds it odd, but figures it's harmless (and the guy is paying.) She finds the sex is fantastic, as she is bounced all over the room by the energetic German, all the time honking on the duck caller. The climax is the most sensational that she has ever experienced and it is several minutes before she has enough breath to say,

"That was totally amazing, what do you call that position?

"Ah," says the German . . ."zat is ze....

Wait for it.....







Four-sprung Duck technique ........

Lady on holiday in the Caribbean meets a local.

After fantastic sex she asks his name. "My name is Snow" he says. She starts to laugh.

He then asks why she is laughing, "Cos my husband will never believe I've had 8" of snow in the Caribbean....."

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.

On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now; the man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale.

Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat."

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try
several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!" gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh my God!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look."

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh
equipment?"

"It's true, Ma'am, yes. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we
can get to work right away."

"Tripod?" "Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's
much too big to be held in the hand very long."

Mrs. Smith fainted!

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday
night to meet, and have dinner with her parents.

Since this is such a big event, the girl announces
to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like
to go out and make love for the first time .
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex
before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to
get some condoms.

He tells the pharmacist it's his
first time and the pharmacist helps the boy for about an
hour.He tells the boy everything there is to know about
condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks
the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or
family pack.

The boy insists on the family pack because he
thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents
house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so
excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner
table where the girl's parents are seated.

The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.
A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in
prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still
no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes
with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the
boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea
your father was a pharmacist."

 

Obituary
Common Sense

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn't always fair, and maybe it was my fault.

Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Aspirin, sun lotion or a Bandaid to a student, but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband; churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims. Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar can sue you for assault.

Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realise that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know my Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I'm a Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone. If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.

Author unknown

The Dennis has a new home and has been there a while now and the boys love it.

Seaford Pumper

SES State Rescue Challenge

The SES State Rescue Challenge 2007 will be held at SAMFS Angle Park Training Centre next weekend on Saturday and Sunday 25/26 August. There are 9 teams competing in the event from Prospect, Enfield, Noarlunga, Tea Tree Gully, Campbelltown and Eastern Suburbs SES Units. The judges and assessors are from various places within South Australia. The teams will be competing against each other performing General Rescue challenges. The winner of this event will go into the National event which will be held later this year in Western Australia.

We take this opportunity to offer our sincere thanks to the Salvation Army who are again catering this event for all of our SES volunteers.

Edited to reflect the correct location after I rang the SES PR lady and highlighted her mistake.